Christians: How to respond as a Godly husband when you have empowered Haman, the enemy of your Wife.




( Everywhere you go and everywhere you turn, controversy is present in everyone’s life, like a winter cold resistant to all forms of health remedies you have taken. I want to tell you that Black America is one and void of controversy, but if the truth is said, we are just as divided, confused, and have as many controversies as the rest of America. As Black Americans, we are divided by gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, country of origin, social-economic background, credentials, fraternities, sororities, skin tone, and even the texture of our hair, which all means our lives are filled with controversy.

Controversy in Black America selected prime time television for all the world to see a few months ago; on Sunday, March 27, 2022, at the Oscars award show when Will Smith left his seat in the audience to come on stage and smack Chris Rock for making a distasteful and offensive joke regarding his wife’s Jada Pinkett-Smith lack of hair. Will Smith is an African American man who is a believer, husband, father, and entertainer who won the academy award for the best actor in a leading role for the movie King Richard. Chris Rock also is an African American entertainer who hosted the Oscars at the time of the controversy. In most cases, controversy does not spring up on its own it is planted, hibernates, grows, takes root, and comes to the surface in due time. Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Chris Rock controversy was planted six years ago and came to the surface possibly due to the lack of humility from everyone involved.

For this article, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith embody King Ahasuerus and Esther, and Chris Rock represents Haman in the bible from the book of Esther. I don’t proclaim that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are holy, nor do I claim that Chris Rock is ungodly. In the end, we all must remember that God is the judge. Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Chris Rock Oscar award controversy provides us with a few parallels, symbolism, and practical application that all men can glean and apply in their lives when dealing with the enemy of your wife. Stressful and unpredictable attacks will come to every husband’s driveway and knock at his door because your adversary desires to take your testimony, witness, ruin your peace, and decimate your family. Thankfully the bible provides us with a road map on how godly husbands should respond to the enemy of their wives.

I would imagine more men than that would like to admit have been guilty of either being Haman, the enemy attacking someone’s wife, or King Ahasuerus empowering someone who would eventually attack your wife unknowingly. I wish I could tell I never could relate to the Hamans of the world. I wish I could tell I have nothing in common with King Ahasuerus because I never empowered someone who would eventually attack someone I loved, but I would be lying if I did. If we are honest as men will all have had an Esther/Jada in our lives that we allowed to be disrespected, dishonored, and demoralized because, hey, in many respects, we treated them and viewed them just as another Black woman. It would be accurate to say that black women are routinely disrespected and made to be the mule of society by many due to our failure to appreciate and know their worth as God’s creation to help us.

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Each moment we are alive, God blesses us and allows us another opportunity to correct what we previously got wrong, so now is not the time to quit, give out or give up. Prayerfully through the grace of God, she will forgive you for empowering her adversary, and you can recover before you lose her heart. So, if you desire to respond as a Godly husband after you have licensed Haman/Chris, the enemy of your wife, God shows us several steps to take through King Ahasuerus in Ester chapter 7.

In chapter 7:1, King Haman came to the banquet with Esther. If you desire to be the Husband God has called you to be, you must be in your assigned place; in other words, you must be present. While I disagree with Will Smith’s actions, I commend him for being present and alert at the Oscars. Far too often, men, the enemy is present with your wife, i.e., Haman, her friends, her thoughts, her emotions, your friends, and your family, but you are absent because you are too busy, inaccessible, and out of place. When a husband is not in his assigned position, his wife is open for attack without you being there to provide covering, aid, or assistance reference Genesis 3:1 and Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

In chapter 7:2, We see the king asking Esther on the second day what she wanted. Thinking you know what she wants without asking is a common mistake that many men make when they trust in their wisdom and ability, but time and experience will teach you that sometimes it is better to ask instead of knowing. What you think she wants probably will be different from what she will ask for because she needs it. When you ask, it shows you care, it shows she has your ear and attention, and at the end of the day, you are responsible for her desires reference 1 Corinthians 7:33.

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In chapter 7:3-4, Queen Esther responds to the King’s question. If you are not prayerfully and watchfully, it can become easy to forget who your wife is in the hectic and chaotic world, full of distractions, temptations, and trials. Never lose sight of who she is. She is your bride and your helpmeet, not your enemy, and since she is all these things to you, you must let her tell her story, express herself without interruption reference Genesis 2:18 and Luke 21:36.

In chapter 7:5, King Ahasuerus asks another question of Queen Esther. Sometimes as men, when life presents us with unexpected challenges, obstacles, tests, and trials, we can move too quickly to solve the problem without hearing out the whole matter because we didn’t ask the right questions. As a husband, it is your responsibility to ask questions and patiently await a response with tenderness. Don’t allow circumstances to cause you to become harsh, rash, or impatient with the individual who has been assigned to help you the most reference Colossians 3:19 and Ecclesiastes 12:13.

In chapter 7:6, Queen Esther responds to the king’s second question. When your wife takes the time to communicate with you, hear her, take the time to listen to her, and believe what she says. One common mistake all humans make, especially men, is that we listen to respond and not to hear and understand. Your wife knows the difference between when you are just hearing her and when you are listening to her. King Ahasuerus showed us the importance of hearing your wife, listening to your wife, and believing your wife. Wise men know they only became wise through learned experiences and by listening to wisdom gained from others reference Proverbs 19:20-21.

In chapter 7:7, We see King Ahasuerus arise, and indirectly King Ahasuerus teaches all Husbands that they need to stand up when evil is present around their wives. It has become commonplace for husbands assigned to be the protectors to become too relaxed or become agreeable to taking everything sitting down. All men, especially husbands, must stand when evil is present around their wives and family and boldly proclaim not on my watch. King Ahasuerus shows us through his actions that your wife is not the blame for the situation, reference Ephesians 5:25-29.

In chapter 7:7, We read about King Ahasuerus’s wrath, which provides every husband with a pattern they can follow, knowing that it is okay to show your emotions to your wife. King Ahasuerus dispels the notion and the macho myth that men cannot and should not be emotional or vulnerable around their wives.  We know King Ahasuerus wrath was kindled towards Haman due to his love for his wife. Every husband must make sure that their wife knows he loves her and that her problems are his problems.

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In chapter 7, verse 7, Haman concludes that the dynamics of his relationship with King Ahasuerus had changed to his detriment (he saw that there was evil determined against him by the king). King Haman teaches all husbands that although people and certain relationships may have served you a purpose in the past, sometimes, you must end the association or friendship for your wife. She is the flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone reference Genesis 2:23-24.

In chapter 7:8, King Ahasuerus returns from the garden to the banquet.  I am sure if we surveyed those who are blessed with the distinguished title of husband, many would admit some of the challenges that come from being a husband they would like to ignore. King Ahasuerus shows all husbands when the enemy is present, and they must gather their composure and deal with the problem head-on. This means running is not an option when it comes to your wife’s enemies reference Proverbs 28:1.

In chapter 7:8, Haman had fallen on Queen Esther’s bed, and King Ahasuerus called Haman’s behavior and actions into question. When things are incorrect, and danger is present, King Ahasuerus reminds every husband that they must say something.  When trouble or unrighteousness is present around your wife, that is not the time to be quiet, and you must speak up reference genesis 1:3.

In chapter 7:9, King Ahasuerus told his guards to hang Haman. Today you are not called to kill the enemy of your wife physically, but we all can take note from King Ahasuerus and bring the influence of your wife’s ungodly enemy to an end by taking their voice which will remove his audience reference 2 timothy 2:16.

In chapter 7:10, Haman was hanged on the gallows that he prepared for Mordecai based on the direction of King Ahasuerus. Every husband is charged to be the priest, protector, provider, and the king of his house like King Ahasuerus. Husbands must take goodly action at God’s command reference Proverbs 3:5-7, Romans 12:19-21, and Exodus 15:3.

While you may fail at times to conduct your duties and responsibilities as a husband and King correctly, never be found guilty by yourself or others of failing to correct your mistakes. Controversy will be present until Jesus comes back, but if you allow Him to lead and guide you, the enemy’s accusations will be negated in time.

Staff Writer; Jamie Seals

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