Christians and Your Pastor; Why Aren’t More Men in Church?




( Faith Comes by Hearing (And Being Heard): A Message to Pastors:

While the majority of men will not admit it, they will always desire being heard. They also long to be invited to a BBQ, taken out for a meal, or football party, or simply welcomed into the pastor’s confidence. However, they can only wait for your invite. Some men are not very good at proactively taking such steps as inviting themselves to come and visit the pastor in his office. By their nature, men are not going to come after you seeking to know if they can go to a football match with you, come to your home, or join you for a cup of coffee. But when you take the initiative, they are apt to say “yes”. And eventually, you will find them saying “yes” to being faithful and even taking part in other church activities simply because you have lent them a hearing ear.

Regularly Challenge the Men to Take Responsibility

This is a not an easy matter to discuss as our modern culture tends to downplay the significance and differences of femininity and masculinity. However, the reality is simple and quite plain: men seek to be challenged. Always, they seek to be assigned something to accomplish— a task that challenges them.

This, however, does not amount to saying that each and every male member of your church wants to start a major renovation project in your church or join a select group that meets once every Wednesday evening for prayer. It, however, does mean that in your church, every man has been intricately and uniquely designed by God to be skilled and passionate at something or even perhaps many things! It is because of this that men have an inherent desire to be regularly challenged within the parameters of their skills and passions.

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So, it is to the benefit of the church that the men get challenged with something that has the potential of bringing them joy, satisfaction and you will see results. Give the men in your church opportunities to accept responsibility, and then hold them accountable. This is how men like to be challenged.

Examine these additional challenges a diverse church leader/pastor may consider:

A) Challenge the men to occasionally surprise their wives/sweethearts by taking them out to dinner at least once per week for a month and have them report to you how their marriage/relationship has changed for the better.

B)  Challenge them into praying with their children for a specific period of time and see how relationships with their kids change as a result.

C)  Challenge them to into a project to improve, renovate or redesign the children’s church division. They can then have an open day “revealing day” where they invite all the church children and their parents to view the new changes. This will also be a bonding time where the kids get to meet the men who labored on the new children’s sanctuary or classroom.

D)  Challenge the men to create works of art like graphic art, photos, painting, and post all these throughout the church during a fundraising event.

E)  Challenge them to host Sports Fellowship events and open up their home environment to church members.

Recognize the Men of Your Church

It is the nature of men to seek to be acknowledged. A man wants the affirmation that he is cared for and that someone knows he exists. The desire to be appreciated and known is part of their being. When attending a church event, coming into the church, joining a small group, or for that matter anything else, they are either looking for the pastor or someone else within the church leadership to recognize their existence, though they may not even know this fact themselves!

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Always bear in mind that every Sunday there is are several men (both old and young) in church who were basically brought by their spouses, girlfriends, the church music, your style of preaching, or indeed lots of other things. These men, although they set foot into the church building, are actually waiting to be acknowledged and sought out.

This does not necessarily mean that as the pastor you need to personally meet and shake the hands with each male who come to your church each Sunday. It, does, however, mean that the church leadership, especially the pastor, ought to empower the men who are already within the church to be making contact and closely interacting with other men.

We Fall Down But We Get Up!

In your church, as you challenge the men, it is essential that they are allowed to fail. Many men keep off from being actively engaged in church activities as they are ashamed or not sure of their spiritual status or walk. They at times may feel that they don’t love their families enough, don’t pray much, and don’t spend sufficient amounts of time in Bible reading or talking about Jesus with others. As such, whenever they walk into the house of God, they feel condemned.

Personalize Your Mission

When the men in your church are given a challenge and you allow them to fail, in essence, you are living out the true message of the gospel of Christ for them. What you are actually saying to them amounts to, “I know you have the potential of being great. I know and appreciate that you have been gifted by God and He has called you to do something big. And know what? Even if you fail, it’s still okay! There is God’s grace even when you forget about that matter of taking your wife out for that promised dinner. There is sufficient grace when you become annoyed at your children. There is God’s grace when you don’t succeed at a project. Yes, there is grace just for you!”

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When you allow them to fail, you are effectively empowering them to come face to face with the true gospel message, which is frequently not what many men experience when they step into the majority of churches.

Give Men a Sounding Board

Every man has personal worries, joys, hurts from the past, opportunities, complaints, etc., stirring inside them, but many have no outlet through which they can openly share such things. However, many of them are willing to openly talk with a trusted pastor that they have built a strong relationship with. That is your calling as a pastor, listen and hear them out.

Remember, that some of these men are at times very senior in their workplaces and usually have no one to share their fears and life anxieties. They lack an outlet through which to channel their innermost feelings. As their pastor, become proactive, create space and opportunity for conversation, and also remember to rejoice with them in their small and big wins.


A Pastor’s mission is not an inborn characteristic, but is something that is learned. Men really don’t mind being led if they know they follow a good leader. Good leaders are made and not born. Moses was called by God to lead the children of Israel, yet even with many years of education acquired in Egypt plus the practical experience, he still had lots to learn. This ought to be an encouraging thing to those who feel that perhaps administration is really not their forte. We can learn from the case of Moses and Jethro that it’s possible to learn how to become better administrators, better managers, and ultimately better leaders for today’s modern and progressive society; and that includes by all means, the church.

Staff Writer; Stanley G. Buford

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