Black Men, White Men – Mental Abuse: Don’t Allow It.

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(ThyBlackMan.com) I write this article to you with tears for all the brothers in relationships with abusive women. Men who tried to stick it out in order to keep their families together. Men who thought they deserved what they got. Men who thought they had to take it. Men who didn’t know how to get help and expose their women abusers. Men who thought these women loved them. Men who took the physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental and emotional abuse. Men whose hearts, self-esteem, self -image, self-worth, spirits and psyche were broken by abusive women. And all the family members who tried to support these men through the Hell they encountered.

Generally, usually and obviously, women cannot hurt men physically as much as men could physically hurt women. So instead angry, better and unstable women use mental abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse. And in our society men are supposed to be strong enough to take it, not say anything about it and then go on as if everything is fine. But that’s all wrong and nobody deserves to be abused.

Men are told to just walk away. Yet all too often, they walk right back into the arms of abusive women. So in this article we are going to look at what really happens and why. Largely because we cannot see physical scars, black eyes or broken arms when emotional, mental or verbal abuse happens, America does not recognize these types of abuse as bad. Especially when men are the victims. And because men admitting they have been abused in these ways is perceived in our society as a weakness, abusive women get away with it every day.

Know that as I write this article, many of the men who are reading it will realize they have been abused. And I’m here to let you know it’s just as wrong for a woman to abuse a man as the reverse. No excuses, no exceptions, double standards aside. On TV a man says something insulting to a woman and she slaps him. He is expected to just take it because “he should not have said what he said”. But what if a woman says something she should not have and the man backhands her? He is seen as abusive, yet she was not, even though she did the same thing. Fists hurt but so do slaps. And the “abuse test” is not who can take it with less damage. Words can hurt or social services would not recognize verbal, mental and emotional abuse as ABUSE.

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Today I say to the good men out there, you need to stop accepting the double standards and abuse. You are not “weak” if you stand up against abuse. And regardless of how great of a body she has, how good the sex is, what she whispers in your ear or what leverage she thinks she has over you, the abuse is not worth it. And if she is an abuser, she isn’t either. No you don’t deserve it. No men don’t have to accept a woman’s abuse. And yes, if you are a man being abused by a woman, it’s past time to draw a hard line in the sand. Something you should have done in the very beginning. But don’t worry, it’s not too late and that can still be corrected. The abusive woman needs to legally learn she cannot get away with any more than an abusive man can. And her crocodile tears do not convert her from an abuser to a victim.

If you don’t draw the line with an abusive woman, she will keep being abusive. She will think she has gotten away with it. And she will go on to abuse another man, a man who may respond violently. If that happens, yes the courts likely laugh at the man claiming that he was a victim and blame him for the entire outcome anyway. So a man who is a victim might as well step up and make that known. Even if the abusive woman uses your children, ignores visitation guidelines and court orders, even if she fails to spend the child support money on the child, even if she damages your car.  They will likely make excuses for her and let her take the position of the “victim” any time and almost any way she chooses. Guys it’s better to draw the line in the sand as soon as you realize you are being abused and head all of that off at the pass. If she does not stop and get counseling, you need to leave and stay gone.

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A man who stays in a relationship with an abusive woman may think he is taking one for the team. But he is really teaching his sons, boys and young men around him that it’s OK to be abused by a woman, stay there and take it. And that is wrong, all wrong.

Women can also be physically abusive, and often get away with it because the man is told just to walk away or to suck it up. But men don’t have to accept that either. You can dial 911 just like she can. You can record her being abusive just like she can record you. You can get help and share the truth with other people about what is happening just like she can. And abuse is not based on which person is stronger. Nor who can take it. Abuse is abuse.

There is also a very real danger that an abusive woman can push a good man closer to the edge than she realizes. Every human being, no matter how calm, congenial or peaceful, has a breaking point. If that happens, unfortunately, an abusive woman could end up in a box. And that is a losing situation for everybody. An outcome that could have been avoided.

Two of the most dangerous things that can happen in a relationship are for an abusive woman to play with a man’s emotions or use his children against him. Mind games. And when his heart is damaged, he is not likely to use his head to think about the right thing to do. That means he may retaliate and do the absolute wrong thing. And we want to avoid that. An abusive relationship can break a man’s self-esteem, self-image and self-worth. It can even leave scars that lasts much longer than a broken arm or a blackeye. An abusive woman can damage a man’s psyche and break his spirit.

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Furthermore, abusive relationships can have devastating consequences when the man finally enters into what could be a healthy relationship with another woman later on. Or he might even take the pain out in the firm of aggression on other people completely unrelated (or related) to the situation. It happens all the time. So if you are a man in a relationship with an abusive woman, it’s time to wake up, step up and draw the line.

It must never be acceptable for a woman to abuse a man physically, no matter how often women on television slap men. It was never be acceptable for a woman to belittle a man who she says she loves. If she does, that’s not love. It must never be acceptable for a woman to control a man, dominate a man or disrespect a man. I have seen so many cases of men sent to anger management classes by the courts when the woman was the abuser, not the victim. But even when it is obvious, society is always ready to accept a woman in tears as the victim, ignoring when she is the abuser.

 

Finish story here; Black Men, White Men; Mental Abuse: Don’t Allow It.