American Women and Prison Relationships.



( When a man truly loves a woman, he tends to do his best to avoid prison. Really, he will try to avoid anything that would keep him away from her. If we’re being totally honest, no one goes through life with the intent of making it to prison.

It’s that thing no one wants to deal with. It strips freedom and you’re on the people’s dime so it’s the state’s rules how you live. Family doesn’t even want to really deal with it. That isn’t to say they won’t, it’s just a pain, especially if the incarcerated landed there on some avoidable nonsense. That’s just points against you.

So just imagine having a relationship before going behind bars. Sounds difficult, right? Contact and consistency are essential. You have to see each other daily or at least regularly. Often times, you’re both local, so this isn’t the biggest problem. However, for those incarcerated and sent to prisons out in a sparse county, it can definitely be an issue.

So Why Strike Up A Relationship Behind Bars


For those behind bars, that need for a romantic relationship can be great. Especially if you consider that they’re pretty much written off as broken goods. They’re in there for who knows how many years on either serious offenses or accumulated offenses.

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People behind bars can’t really do anything for those of us walking free. Kids have to be raised by one parent or a parent and their family or a significant other has go it alone in keeping up with the bills or move out, for instance. Meanwhile, even though they’re restricted in what they can do and experience, prisoners have their essential needs taken care of.

So why? Companionship. Some women seek out men behind bars for companionship. Someone in prison isn’t going anywhere unless it’s to the infirmary for a health issue or injury or they have a hearing. They might not know what their prison bae is doing but they know exactly where they are. This usually points to trust issues and having been burned in previous relationships. On top of that, if someone is coming from an abusive relationship, the person behind bars can’t harm them physically.

In a way, this is a low-risk relationship. Everything is in the house’s favor. If the free half of the relationship wants to walk away or satisfy their needs, they can.

And it isn’t just women. The “market” might be cornered by them but men try their luck at love with a prison bae, a love jailbird, and so on. As you may have guessed, the same kind of men give it a try: lonely, probably burned in the past, and wanting a situation where they have some control.



Oddly enough, there’s an expectation that folks outside will remain faithful. Depending on how long someone is locked up or and the strength of their relationship, this is possible but it shouldn’t really be a concrete expectation. I mean, can someone really be big mad if their significant other out and free is getting little something-something?

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Yes. Does their anger have any weight to it? Not really because they’re behind bars and its unfair for someone to put their satisfaction on hold because their partner is away for five years or life. It’s actually ridiculous.

On the other side of the coin, there’s an expectation that the person outside will provide financial support when needed. Now this gets into murky territory. Not all inmates are out to scam men and women who express interest in them. That said, there are definitely some who target lonely, unlucky at love people and see a mark. It’s unfortunate but it happens. Sometimes, they find out too late after the person is released, goes back to what got them put in or starts sniffing after other people.

All in all, relationships behind bars can work and there are some benefits for those with bad relationship experiences. Like love between two people free and out and about, it’s a gamble. Unlike those relationships, it’s often a waiting game that can have unforeseen consequences that can’t be bounced back from.

Staff Writer; M. Swift

This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.