African Americans: Treat Your Daughters Better.



( The African-American community is a complex map of dysfunction, bitterness, and blatant negativity. Many times the outside world is curious as to why black people are so screwed up. What’s also sad is that you see so much emphasizing about how black mothers are destroying their sons, but never anything talking about how they’re destroying their daughters. You can Google the topic about it and what pops up are a plethora of topics discussing the relationship between black mothers and their sons. The articles that are out here are more geared towards talking about how black mothers destroy their sons, but nothing is ever said about the damage they do to their daughters. The way black mothers treat their daughters is often times a silent issue because within the black community we hold black mothers to such high regard that if anyone speaks out about mistreatment or abuse they’re the ones who get harped on for speaking the truth. It’s known in the African-American community how mothers destroy their daughters.

The disturbing and sad reality is that many black women are often times suppressed by their mothers with negative and discouraging remarks. This could be either mother or grandmother, but either way young black women are destroyed by their mothers in some way shape or form. Daughters in the black community are not priority to their mothers they’re just cast aside for their brothers. This fuels into how many young black women are dealing with emotional, mental, financial, and spiritual discord.

Many daughters and granddaughters are degraded for their career, marital, and personal choices. Black women face a lot of hardship because if they make choices that benefit them it results in their mother and/or grandmother to treat them bad. Daughters are the ones who don’t have a lot of freedom to enjoy their lives while everyone else is free to enjoy theirs. Somewhere mom or grandma is making it hard for that daughter or granddaughter to have a life. It’s OK if her brother does what he wants, but she can’t and if she attempts to do something that enhances her life it’s a big problem.

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In light of this the black community shields and protects mothers and grandmothers and turn a blind eye to the way daughters and granddaughters are treated, Yet they excuse the behavior of sons and grandsons no matter how trifling they are. Some of the effects of how mothers and grandmothers treat their daughters and granddaughters is lowered self-esteem, increased self-loathing, developing eating disorders, and decreased socialization. There’s little to be said about how young black women are often times the casualty of their mother and grandmother’s insidious ways.

Looking at the single hood of young black women also points to how many have mothers and grandmothers who discourage them from dating or had a hand in destroying that woman’s marriage or relationship. It’s a known fact that more than half of young black women are in fact single and have never married. Yet science does not look into the sociological and psychological aspect into why so many are in fact single and those who take the time to research can literally look at what part a black mother or grandmother played into that woman’s single status.

The topic of how black mothers destroy their daughters needs to be discussed and dialogue needs to be brought forth in conversation to address this silent issue.

Many black women don’t realize is how their mothers and grandmothers are actually destroying them from the inside out. Black women are conditioned from a young age to learn basic skills in cleaning, cooking, and housekeeping to prepare them for marriage. Also the change in generation norms has made it possible for a lot of young black women to have more choices in their lives as to whether they further their education to getting married and having families. When black women choose things that are beneficial to their lives it may not sit well with their mothers and grandmothers.

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Reason being is because they want them to live their lives according to mom and grandma. It’s a waging war because so many women are having to leave home at an early age to escape the psychologic and emotional prison they’re trapped in. This can come from the fact that their mothers and grandmothers came from generations where they did not have much of a choice and their only option is to marry and pop out babies. They did not have a choice about going to school or having a career. This could be fueled by jealousy and envy where they wished they had more options in their lives, but seem to find it easier to suppress their daughters and granddaughters from getting ahead in life.

A black woman’s struggle is more about trying to increase her chances at opportunities that she’s discouraged from pursuing because she’s always having to duck and dodge her mother and/or grandmother’s negative remarks. It makes it sound as if the woman does not listen and comply she’s being selfish and likely will be presented to family as being disobedient and a troublemaker. Where does that leave a lot of young black women who are struggling to get ahead, but are having to put some distance between themselves and their mothers and grandmothers. This is a subject that needs to be addressed openly instead of sweeping it under the rug and where does it say that a daughter or granddaughter is mandated to live her life by her mother and grandmother’s standards?

The key word here is ‘mandate’ and sadly many are undermined by their mothers and grandmothers and are painted as perpetual failures if they don’t go into the career path, date a certain man, and living your life by their terms. A black woman’s happiness is of no consequence with their mother and grandmothers. The needy and often times selfish behavior of many black mothers and grandmothers is obvious by how so many of them seem to look for reasons to keep their daughters on an emotional and psychologically short leash.

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Much of this borders on full-scale abuse because most young women are in the prime of their lives both personally and professionally and some mothers and grandmothers don’t want their daughters and granddaughters to live their lives. It’s a bigger issue than many really think and if you think about it a lot of this is gradually conditioned into girls growing up and when they become adults capable of making their own decisions its not something mom and grandma can accept. A young black woman has to learn how to break free of this by establishing herself and becoming independent of her mother and grandmother. Meaning holding your own not borrowing money or accepting financial help because that’s what will keep you a prisoner of your mother or grandmother’s needy and often time nasty behavior. Being your own person is what will stop a lot of this and help you rise and become the woman you were meant to be.

Staff Writer; Nafeesah Abdullah