(ThyBlackMan.com) Sisters, you can’t give a man the following options:
a) sex without commitment
b) continued sex without commitment and a child is born
and after he exercises the options YOU gave him, you offer an ultimatum “Marry me or else“. I mean really. NOW you want to be someone’s wife, NOW you want discipline, now you want commitment AFTER all that required all the above has already taken place. . This is what we should say in the FIRST place if that is our true desire. It’s like giving a child dessert first, then feigning ignorance as to why they won’t eat their vegetables.
Listen, this is for Both Sisters and Brothers, look at a person’s ACTIONS. Their actions will either bear witness to what they profess with their mouth, or their actions will betray them. Now if your goal is to walk down the aisle, then STOP leading him towards the bedroom, WE lead, and then get upset when they follow. We say things like I did all the things a wife would do, why wouldn’t he marry me? Well we’ve answered our own question now didn’t we? If you are already giving him the “benefits” of marriage, then what is his incentive?
The way some of us treat men is VERY unfair and hypocritical. I am wondering if there will come a day, when Black Men can voice their pain and women can actually listen WITHOUT interjecting” BUT what about My PAIN”. I wonder if there will come a day when more women will take more accountability for their actions, instead of this defensive, self-righteous attitude some of us have. I wonder if there will come a day, when Black Men can state the type of Woman they want, how they would want her to act, how they want to be treated, how they want to be loved and needed, I just wonder…..because Black Women have a day like that.
It’s called EVERYDAY! EVERYDAY, there is something, somewhere, a conversation is taking place, online, offline, on the phone, in person, in front of children, a man is being told that he ain’t shyt, all the reasons why he ain’t shyt, aint gonnna never be shyt, he is being told everything that is wrong with him, because apparently he can’t get shyt right, even with highest rate of employment among black men, we are still yelling get your trifling a** a job, or I am taking my children away, I mean constant condemnation! If Men spoke to us with HALF the amount of venom that we use when speaking to them, we probably couldn’t take it, we’ll say “is that how to talk to a Woman Brother”? “You shouldn’t talk to a woman like that, women should be treated with respect”, RIGHT…… after we just got finished DISRESPECTING him.
We are so quick to label a man “no good” or a “dog” but, we have a tendency to forget that WE chose him, and at times we have a tendency to forget the circumstances/situations that took place when WE met our mates, the type of behavior that WE either allowed, promoted, cosigned and engaged in with our mates, but when we get done “wrong” we remember all the wrong THEY did, but won’t take responsibility for OUR choices, OUR actions and OUR behavior. How the hell can you give a brother the “green light” regarding certain behavior, then turn around and get upset with him because he chose “go“.
-the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions
A sign of growth is being able to hold yourself accountable for YOUR actions, YOUR choices, and accepting the truth about YOURSELF, WITHOUT using the word “but” because when doing so that negates growth.
Example ” “I’m sorry that I smashed your car but you see I didn’t think you were going to stop short like that” immediately the excuse has been put into play. Never mind that it was your responsibility to maintain control of your vehicle, the point is that you’ve just negated the entire apology and created a scenario where the blame has now been displaced on the person you’ve just hit.”
Example “Yes the Black Woman should be held accountable “but” _______________________(insert whatever 1001 reasons we use to deflect back to the Black Man).
You see how using the word “but” negates the admission but redirects the blame on the other party? When one uses the word “but” they are not really taking responsibility for their actions. True accountability takes place when “I” is the ONLY pronoun used. Not “he“, him” or “we“. “We” can NEVER accomplish anything until “YOU” deal with Self.
Today’s English Lesson: when accepting accountability, start off with “I” and after you state what it is you are accepting accountability for, END the sentence with a PERIOD, if you follow with a comma or the word “but“, then accountability is NOT your goal. Deflection is.
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad