(ThyBlackMan.com) So much attention is focused on attracting the “perfect” partner and getting married. Relationships these days are more about societal norms and status than family and community building. Many of us entered a relationship to escape having to work on and love thyself. We have bought into the notion that once we are in a relationship everything else will fall in place. No one taught us how to maintain relationships or even sustain ourselves while in a wholesome relationship. No one told us that it is up to us to put things in their proper place because nothing falls perfectly.
We sit in admiration of other couples without understanding the components of their relationship. We create “relationship goals” based on material things that we want in life while failing to set spiritual, emotional, and mental goals for our relationships. We act as if it is enough to “look good together”, so many partners are looking real good in the streets and battling hell at home.
There is an art to uplifting your partner to ensure your relationship is empowering, rather than something to do instead of being alone. Use these seven tips to speak life and empowerment into your romantic life:
1. Listen first. So often we tune into to what others are saying simply to respond. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say and focus on what is being said. Listen to understand! Repeat what you heard in your own words and once your partner confirms, then speak on the topic at hand.
2. Release the notion of being right OR wrong. Every disagreement isn’t about someone being right or even wrong. Many times we miss the opportunity to create solutions to the actual problem because we settle for being “right”. When this happens, we find ourselves constantly revisiting the issue and getting high off of being “right”, still lacking the solution to shift your relationship to the next level. Love thrives off of growth, not fault finding.
3. Make suggestions rather than demands. Demands often agitates the ego, especially when we’re adding to the demands and pressures our partner is already dealing with in their day to day lives. There is usually a little push back when we make demands upon other adults, the ego naturally feels the need to assert itself regardless of how good the idea is. When we make suggestions, we empower our partner to make the decision for themselves.
4. Remind them of all the good they do. It is too easy to mention every shortcoming a person has, unfortunately the more we do this, the more the person fails. I have yet to witness anyone shift positively for a person who speaks down on them. When we uplift our partner and remind them of the wonderful things they do, no matter how small, they naturally desire to do even more good. Nothing moves anything quite like gratitude!
5. Recognize the individual. Of course, as a couple all we do affects the other person and naturally we move better when we are in alignment with the one we are sharing our life with. Nonetheless your relationship is the whole of either of your lives, both of you are individuals with different needs and desires. In order to have a wholesome relationship, two wholesome individuals must be involved. Take time to learn your partner, regardless of how long you’ve been together. When we work on self, we empower our relationship.
6. Support them in their endeavors. Be their biggest fan! If your partner is starting a new business, help them create their business plan. Ask questions, be excited. If your partner starts a new workout regime, join them for a few sessions. Show your lover that you’re happy just because they’re moving in the direction of their passion.
7. Create a living space that is uplifting. Home should be the place where you can escape, be vulnerable, be loved, find peace, feel safe, and release the burdens of your day. Keep Epsom salt or sea salt on hand for a relaxing bath if you or your partner is more stressed than usual. Light candles, unscented as well as scented, to create a more relaxed, meditative state of mind.
There is much more to a romantic partnership than just being with someone. Not being single will not suffice everyday nor will it help us to overcome every adversity we face in life. Partnerships are work, much more work than being single. Partnerships require that you work on yourself, in addition to your relationship. Create a relationship that caters to the individual rather than the illusion of being a perfect relationship.
Staff Writer; Dina Tuff