African American Community; Should We Spoil Our Women?



( Alright, this time I am going to be the first to confess. I am guilty of spoiling my wife. But in my defense, I am as they say in traffic court where I’m from, guilty with an explanation. My parents were married 54 years and every week I saw my dad spoil my mom. I remember when he bought her the mink coat because they turned the lights off for a day since he had not paid the bill. I can still remember the new car smell and the feel of the leather of the Lincoln Continental my dad bought her when we road home in it that day. And I could go on and on and on.

So while I am not hear to promote tangible or material things, I will say they tend to make people happy or at least make them forget they are unhappy. That is a fact, whether it should be or not. So here we go. And what did I go and do? Spoil my wife. Also in my “defense”, I would say that she was spoiled by her dad mostly all her life until he died. Then she spoiled herself. But what did I do? I did not create the monster, I just fed it and fed it and fed it. Now I fear for me that it is too late, lol. I am kinda stuck. And the crazy thing is that I don’t even real mind. In hind sight, should I have done that? Probably not so much. But it’s just money and diamonds and cruises etc. We can’t take it with us – I guess. Still, I have never gone broke while spoiling my wife and you shouldn’t either. Not even when I bought the 9-carat diamond tennis bracelet. It did knock the wind out of me for a minute, but I like eating noodles and cheese toast. Fortunately for me, I shop smart and jump on deals when I find them. Not just when I need them. I shop ahead which gives me more time.

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I am going to dedicate this article to my wife. A phenomenal, strong, passionate and intelligent woman who is so spoiled that her picture likely appears in the dictionary under that word. But apparently that’s just fine with me. And I can’t believe I said any of that. LOL right? Not if she reads this paragraph.

This is real talk,
I’m going to lighten the approach,
But you better listen
Or you might end up broke
Maybe you are spoiling her
But is she spoiling you
Because if she isn’t
You’re a sucker through and through
So  listen very closely
And take this to heart
Spoil the right woman
Or you’re doomed from the start.

But should we spoil our women? I guess I would start answering that question by looking at what we mean by “spoil”. If spoiled means material things to the both of you and you can afford them, that’s one thing. But know that what you start, you will be expected to keep up or continue. And just so you know, affording these things does not mean mortgaging your house, pawning your car, selling your blood plasma and not paying your child support so your NEW GIRL can be spoiled by you. If you and your companion see spoiling as a series of impromptu romantic and unique experiences such as candlelight dinners under the stars, picnics in the park and chocolate strawberries in the hot tub with soft music followed by a massage, then you are not only spoiling her. You are also smart because those things will save you a ton of money. And in today’s society, even cooking a nice dinner and chocolate mousse for her from scratch can be enough to make many women melt. Especially the ones who don’t cook (or don’t cook well). I could tell you some stories, but I have already told too many of my secrets. So moving on.

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What then are the boundaries? Or rather how much spoiling is enough and how much is too much? Or if you can afford it, is there any such thing as “too much”? Or are you just wasting money that could be used for something else. Spoiling at its best is reciprocated. But if you’re good with the arrangement, I guess you are not losing anything – YET! You decide.


The next issue is whether or not your woman spoils you. If she doesn’t, then you are probably the sucker in an unbalanced relationship. You may not care, as long as you are a happy sucker, especially if you don’t want a relationship anyway. So if that is the case, I guess it’s not so bad. As long as you don’t spoil your woman to the point where you are sitting out on the street, you have no savings and you have tried to buy her affections. I have seen all of the above and then some. Never try to buy a woman’s affections. What you give her or do for her is a bonus, not the main reason she should be with you. If she is with you because of what you give her,  you are what old school people called a “sponsor”. And when a better one comes along who will do more, then what? You are a distant memory.

I have a funny but true story that emphasizes resourcefulness and creativity. Abilities or traits that can go a long way if you want to spoil your woman. Before meeting my wife, I dated a woman from Kenya with……, wow flashback. I wouldn’t exactly call it “dating” but we will for the purposes of this article. Anyway, we decided to buy Christmas gifts for each other. So knowing that a gift can look expensive but not cost a lot, I set out to find just the right gift. I bought a knockoff Louis Vuitton handbag for her. And when I say “knockoff”, I mean knocked all the way off because I paid $25. She brought me a basket of fruit, but when she saw that handbag, boy. I am surprised you did not feel the earthquake at your house. Maaaaannnnnn. You just don’t know. I should have bought a knockoff handbag every month. Man talk, right?

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What about “in the dog house” spoiling? Damage control. I never got in the dog house because I am not a dog, I am a lion. Still, at some point in time, pretty much all of us guys will do something that our women really don’t like. I mean really don’t like. No seriously, I mean reeeeaaaallllllllyyyyy don’t like. So for most guys, depending on the severity of what your woman didn’t like that you did (or thinks you did or pretends you did), off you go to the flower shop, the ice cream shop, the jewelry store or the car lot. Thanks a lot Kobe, RIP. And for many of you busters, you will run right out to get flowers when you didn’t even do anything wrong. Just because she knows how to use sex as a weapon. For you busters, your guidance system is off because you are supposed to have the missile that is prepared to launch. The heat seeker that is a weapon of mass destruction. Boy, I could tell you some stories. Or did I get carried away with that for a minute.

Should you spoil the woman you are playing house with?


Finish story here; Black Community; Should We Spoil Our Women?.